Well, the much-anticipated/dreaded Meeting happened today around 1 pm. My heart is palpitating and I’m therefore unable to take a nap, though I am exhausted. So, with the extra stores of energy I’ve managed to accumulate thanks to not being at the gym for two weeks, I will write a brief re-cap of the conversation. But only a re-cap, as even my latte belly is not enough to power me through a full transcript. Thanks for hanging out with me.
First, I am extremely proud of my daughter. She was able to express herself clearly, without judgement, anger, resentment, or much of anything but a sense of curiosity. She was neither weepy nor elated. Direct and articulate. Of course, Idiot had to be reined in several times as he began hip-hopping around questions to more convenient subjects than the actual answers. But, oh well. At least we know what kind of creature we’re dealing with and can plan accordingly, i.e., spell everything out as you would a 4th grader and repeat questions as necessary until he runs out of verbal bling to decorate with.
Here are highlights from today’s interaction. My words are in black, Idiot’s words are in baby-caca yellow (for coward), and [daughter’s] words are in purple (for queen). The words I said in my head are italic. (Oh, and FYI, the Idiot’s wife is named Angel. She is a genuine hip-hop artist trapped in the body of a short, thick-legged white girl who teaches hip-hop to affluent white people on the gated island where they live, and dabbles in interior design. She is stupid.)
I wanted you to know that if you have an idea to do something, like coming to the airport last night, it would be best to ask me or my mom first. That was a surprise that I wasn’t expecting and it really caught me off-guard.
That wasn’t supposed to be a surprise.
[our two heads turn and eyebrows raise in unison] Well, that was pretty darn surprising.
I emailed you about that but it bounced back.
Oh really? what did the email say?
Er um well, uh, er, [shifty eyes scan the horizon] uh…er it said, would Isabella like to do anything while she’s here.
You sent that email 3 weeks ago.
No, this was another one.
wow, the time-delay with that lie really didn’t make it any more creative
Oh. Well, that’s a very different thing than asking if you should show up at the airport unannounced with your child. That’s surprising.
Well, we were just so excited, and that’s what you do when people come into town! You meet them at the airport!
‘When people come into town’?? oh, why bother…
I have some questions for you that I’ve been wondering for a long time. I just came to get some answers.
I’ll do my best, but I don’t know if my answers will be very good.
Oh, it’s not really about good or bad, I just want the truth. And you don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings, because I don’t feel anything about you. Good or bad.
Is Angel a caring and compassionate person? I mean, is she smart?
Why yes, in fact, she is. She teaches and serves other people and helps less fortunate kids.
yes, the lessons on being selfish and superficial are for the good of all mankind. And let’s not forget about how to cover things in fabric, add sparkles, and call it beautiful. She can show you how to do that with your personality, too.
Then why would she do something like that to my mom?
Well, I think it’s more me who made those choices…
I think what Isabella’s trying to say, is how does she reconcile the very active and conscious role she played in the destruction of our marriage, completely devastating me at the time, with her service to others, caring and compassion?
I would like to answer [daughter’s] questions!
Why did you choose Angel over my mom?
Well, I had been thinking for a long time that your mom and my relationship wasn’t going to last…
Oh? Wow, that’s news to me. So you made that decision by yourself? At what point during our 18-month marriage did you divine that? For a long time? And at what point did your thoughts translate into actions?
If you want to have this conversation, we can have it another time…yes, what happened with me and Angel might might? have been the event that caused our marriage to end but… I think Angel and I are just more compatible.
Duh. [gang signs with my hands]
I think [daughter] did not ask about your ‘thoughts’ at the time, or about what you thought might happen 10 or 20 yrs down the road in our relationship, but your choices, and what those choices meant for me and for her.
I was just so immature back then Is that really past tense? blah blah blah and if I could have done things differently blah blah blah and I’m a flawed person blingity blah and was trying to figure out work and so many things. And also, I didn’t think that your mom’s and my marriage was going to last very long.
Was I ever really married to this complete boob?
Why did you stop visiting me? I mean, if I’d known you more when I was 5 or after that, this might not be so uncomfortable.
….one.. two… three… Well, my visits just seemed to make you so uncomfortable ….right on cue… and I couldn’t figure out a way to get along with your mom and I knew she was saying things about me… don’t forget… I just thought it would be easier for you not to put you through that stress. ah, good to know some things remain predictable… I’ve wanted to have a relationship with you, but I just couldn’t figure out how to do it. If you ever think I didn’t want a relationship with you, dont’ think that. Because I think about you every single day.
Is that before or after you don’t send child support? or ask one single question about her? Or simply wait for other family members to fill you in so you can seem knowledgeable and ask her, “This high school or That” when you finally do see her? Because, as a 14-yr-old, she somehow figured out how to communicate with you.
Really? Don’t you run a business and pay a mortgage and dance around in pink socks for special causes, but you couldn’t figure out how to talk to a 6 or 10 or 12 yr old?? Really?
My mom has never said anything bad about you. She’s said you’re someone who doesn’t make very good choices. That’s why I don’t have any feelings for you one way or the other. But I would like to meet your kids.
And soon, [daughter] was finished and said she wanted to go. But, our hero couldn’t leave it at that, first asking if he could “just follow you guys around for a while, hee hee” like a dog, or an odor? and ultimately talking [daughter] into walking to the end of the pier so he could babble about Confederate history. Appropriate enough.
He continued to ask if she wanted to do this or that with his kids, dropping hints about bicycles and boat rides, but she declined. I pulled him aside and told him she needed time to process her feelings and decide what she wants next, so chill out. He agreed. Then casually mentioned taking his kids out of school ALL DAY tomorrow. (no pressure). We did not make it back to the hotel w/out more texts inviting [daughter] to dinner. No, dinner and bike ride. Dinner, bikes, a circus, and hot air balloon!! Clowns and unicorns! Wherever she wants! She finally relented and will be going to dinner with them, which will give [friend] and me the opportunity to drink our bottle(s) of wine and make immature jokes about him in private. I told him just the kids, no wife. Poor girl needs some time before she’s exposed to that.
I have survived one day. And Idiot has gained several points in the direction of Normal for making a good restaurant recommendation today, almost neutralizing last night’s gain in the other direction. Adieu.
PS The sky was appropriately dramatic
lovehaunt 